Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping

I saw this today at a yahoo group and figured I'd share. Happy Hump Day!


After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her
trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has
caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leadin
g to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. Sep
tember 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna
look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's
no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

And here's some eye candy. I love me some Ryan Reynolds. He's funny, smart, and sexy as hell. Anyone else a fan?


Kaye Manro said...

This is so funny- guys just don't get it do they?

And oh yes-- Ryan is really sexy!

Shelley Munro said...

Hi Jaime - I've just scanned your posts from the last few days. You've had some excitement. I'm still in Wellington swanning around and sightseeing while hubby works. I'm getting a lot of writing done as well, which is good.

As for shopping - I'm not a big shopper, although I have my moments. If hubby is with me I know I just have to be super organized otherwise I lose him :)

Cari Quinn said...

LOL...too funny!

And I love Ryan. The Proposal was awesome. :)

Lynne Roberts said...

LOL! I love it.

I wasn't a Ryan fan, but I am now. : ) I did love The Proposal.