Wednesday, March 3, 2021

Regarding Lack of Releases And My Absence Online

Below you'll find information on upcoming releases. That said, many of you want explanations as to why I didn't finish projects and vanished.

I posted this on Facebook, which was hard for me. I can't try to revisit what I wrote and do it all over again (it's still difficult and I'm still struggling). I'm an extremely private person now, as is explained below. That said, those here have a right to know as well, so here it is. I hope it explains my absence and people will understand. I'll be posting cover art, blurbs, and future release dates for projects that were put aside as I muddled through things.

February 17, 2021

I've put this off long enough, so here we go. 

I'm now working through channels to get things sorted for updates on releases and such. As I've been going through that, I've seen some reactions to my lack of releases and upset regarding the issue. I didn't want to address such matters because my involvement in that side of things is personal and hard to discuss. That said, I couldn't do this without those who want to read what I write. For that reason I feel I have to offer some explanation. 

I wasn't going to write anymore Rhiannon in 2012-2014. That's the honest truth. Finances are something anyone has to consider when working on projects when supporting a family like mine. It's not personal, it's math. I always hoped I would reach a point where it no longer mattered and I could do as I pleased. Then horrid experiences with publishers changed everything for me. I decided to do my own thing shortly thereafter. I believed I could work hard, release what I could, and move along. Everything was coming along nicely, and I'd gotten into a groove. 

Then my father died. 

I love books like all of you. The drive to create my own stories came from my love of reading. I know how frustrating it is when you want to read something promised to you and can't. Yet, in truth, I developed a severe case of depression that pulled me under for almost five years. 

I'm not the person I used to be. I never will be. I've remained off social media and let my mother-in-law take over (until now, as I'm trying to redirect things and get my head out of my ass) because I closed down, locked myself in the house, and focused on my children and husband because I could control almost everything in a consistent environment. 

Grief is a tricky beast because it changes you. 

Regardless, that's the ultimate reason for the delay in releases until last year. The time that lapsed reflects who I am now. I lost a part of me that I can't replace. I never knew how much I needed Dad until he was gone. I am not the person some of you may have met at a convention anymore. Many of you wouldn't recognize me. 

I wrote Perfect Dark to try to venture into a story that was mine and mine alone, trying to recall something I used to enjoy when my children were in diapers, and remembered why I started writing in the first place. The story came together in months and I finally accepted that life moves on because that's how life goes. You are dealt a horrible blow, you muddle through it, fall on your face and struggle to get up, and hope the pieces along the way fall so you can see a partial picture when they land.

Perhaps I didn't need to share this, but I feel it is warranted. 

That is the truth, and now you know. 

Thank you for the love and support through the years. I might not be the same person, but I am always grateful anyone wants to read anything I put to paper. 

Mucho love as always.



la.melanson said...

I’m so sorry for your loss, Jaime. I adore your writing and have visited your site many times over the last few years anxiously awaiting news of your next book. This post struck a cord as I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life. Thank you for the honesty. Thank you for continuing on with your writing. Much love ❤️

JASaare said...

Thank you, la. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Much love right back.

Caroline S said...

Your post made me cry. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug, and tell you how amazing you are. I've visited your site countless times to look for new releases, and I've seen how the blanket of depression has settled around your shoulders. Please don't despair. Allow your fans to rally around you and give you the support you need. You're a world-class author with an incredibly rare talent. Your words conjure up worlds of fantasy. We want to be like the heroines in your books - strong and real. If people and situations bring you down, remember that you are extra-special, and your writing skill is something to be treasured. Talk to your fans. We're here for you. xx

JASaare said...

Caroline S,

That means a lot to me. Especially now when moments of emotional clarity happen and I actually feel again (those times are glorious but the hardest, because pain is what makes happiness so worthwhile). Thank you.